Out of the Woods

TASWG assignment: write a 200 word story using 10 clichés, then rewrite it, using more creative wording.

 “Be careful,” Jake’s mom said as he prepared to leave on a camping trip with friends, “tonight’s the anniversary…”
It was on the tip of his tongue to say something but he just nodded.
An hour later, Jake and his buddies Sam and Oliver were walking the trail from the car park to the campsite. As luck would have it the night was as black as pitch and the bushes on either side crowded in claustrophobically.
“So what happened?” said Jake.
“Something scared her real bad,” replied Sam, “she won’t hardly talk and she ain’t told no-one what became of her Dad.”
“And it happened right here exactly one year ago, whooo! ” said Oliver, laughing like a drain.
All of sudden there was rustling to their left. The boys stopped in their tracks. All was silent as the grave. Sam swept his flashlight beam around, illuminating swirling mist. Suddenly an owl flew out of the bush, across their path, scaring the boys out of their wits. Its eyes shone like diamonds in the torchlight.
“Say, howsabout we spend the first night in the car?” ventured Sam.
Nobody spoke but as one they turned on their heels and headed back…
Replacing ‘clichés’ :
“Be careful,” Jake’s mom said as he prepared to leave on a camping trip with friends, “tonight’s the anniversary…”
It was at the edge of his mind to say something but he just nodded.
An hour later, Jake and his buddies, Sam and Oliver were walking the trail from the car park to the campsite. It was moonless and the stars seemed helpless to penetrate the clouds. In the dark, bushes crowded in claustrophobically on either side.
“So what happened?” said Jake.
“Something scared her real bad,” replied Sam, “she won’t hardly talk and she ain’t told no-one what became of her dad.”
“And it happened right here exactly one year ago, whooo! ” said Oliver, laughing maniacally.
Just then there came loud rustling from their left. The boys froze, statue-like, hearts thumping. All was as silent as death. Sam swept his flashlight around and mist fluttered in the beam. Suddenly an owl flew out of the bush, pale and ghostly, its eyes gleaming like doubloons in the torchlight. Their hearts pounded with shock.
“Say, howsabout we spend the first night in the car?” ventured Sam.
Nobody spoke but as one they turned on their treads and headed back…
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